Current mood: crushed
I'm sick of feeling sad. I'm impatient about waiting for God, because I feel like my life is ticking away and I don't want to spend it waiting anymore. I need God now. I have trouble with knowing that there might not be any good/real reason for why things have gone the way they have in the past few months, and that it's completely out of my control. Nothing seems to make sense. People tell me, and I know in my head, that it's not that I have done anything wrong or could have done anything differently or that there's anything wrong with me. But it is so hard to not feel that way in my heart sometimes. Life just really isn't fair. I don't know if I will ever understand or agree with the reasons given for why things didn't work out. I want to be able to understand the other perspective, but that's so hard when my own emotions and feelings are so raw. I wish we weren't at such opposite points in this situation. I need to figure out how to really be able to deal with the way things are now, but no options sound really any better or easier than others. I never dreamed I would be in this position six months ago. It really sucks. God, help!!
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