I have thought a lot in recent months about how in relationships, the "right" thing is very subjective, and therefore very hard to figure out and come to terms with. For example, when two people are in a relationship, and one person decides it's not right for him/her anymore, but it feels completely right to be together to the other person, what then? This has been an issue I have struggled with personally, but I have also been observing it happening in another relationship. Then, as my therapist pointed out, there is also what is right by God, so there really are three points of view. What's right for one person and what's right for the other person may not end up being the same thing, and what's right according to God may coincide with one of those views or may be something else altogether. Well, and then, to go on bit of a tangent, I suppose everything can ultimately turn out for the good by the hand of God, so it all might be right in the end somehow. Anyway, this is all very hard for my little brain to comprehend.
In my situation, it was after dating someone for a few months that my then boyfriend decided it wasn't going to be right for him long term, and I didn't feel that I could agree knowing how much I loved him and wanted to keep getting to know him better, and being pretty sure that I would still love him no matter what underlying stuff would eventually be dug up. I felt that we were really good together and really thought that he could likely be the one for me because he had exceeded so many things I had hoped for in a man. He wondered how it could be right for one person and not the other. I think it's very complicated, and I could go in all sorts of directions with this, but I feel that the circumstances at that time and past experiences/hurts and fears had a big impact on the situation, and the outcome could have been different with the same two people at a different time and with different mindsets (probably on both parts). But anyway, my therapist pointed out to me that if he truly felt that it was not right for him to stay with me at that time for whatever reasons, he has that right to feel that way. Of course only God knows what would have been "right" according to God in that situation, and there might be several outcomes that could still fall under God's will (that's a whole different topic).
So, that was my situation in a dating relationship, but the other relationship I referred to is a marriage, which is a much stickier situation. When two people make that commitment of marriage and things get bad in the marriage, where is the line between staying firm on your commitment to be with this person forever, in good times and bad, and ending the marriage because it seems to be unsalvageable? Some Christians would say there are only two situations where divorce is OK: infidelity and abuse. But what about people growing apart or becoming more realistic about their compatibility or believing you could never be happy with that person after all? Do you really have to continue living an unhappy life just to remain faithful to your commitment? What is more along the lines of the will of God? In that particular case, I always wondered about their compatibility, but after they got married, I just hoped for the best for them. Knowing that there were problems in the marriage and that she was having doubts for the past couple of years, I feel somewhat torn about what is "right". In a way I don't think the relationship is salvageable, and that she will be happier in the long run, even though making this decision and seeing that her husband is having a very hard time is very painful. It doesn't feel at all right to him that they may not end up together forever as they planned (hopefully he'll be happier in the long run too, even though I know he can't see that right now). No person can really say whether they could really reconcile and learn to love each other's distinct differences and learn to better meet each other's needs and make it last forever. Or if they decided to get back together, how long would it last before they were unhappy again? People can change to an extent, but some aspects of ourselves can never be completely changed, and shouldn't be for that matter, especially for the sake of pleasing one specific person. I know we are supposed to believe that with God, nothing is impossible, but I still find it hard to know what would be truly right. My feeling is that they would be better off if they were not together. I am glad I don't have to be the one making the decision though. All I can do is pray for guidance for them.
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